11 years. 27 days, and 17 hours!!!

As I look back over the last 3 years I wonder at times how we all survived!!!!

I havent lost a child.

I havent lost a husband.

But the last 3 years have been filled a a type of grief and loss that I am not sure many people understand...

Well maybe!!!

1 in 88 parents will understand the loss  GRIEF I am speaking of!!

*The kind that you feel every time you leave a Dr. appointment with a child that is "COMPLEX" to use their exact medical term.

*The kind you feel when the phone ring for the 2oth time this week and it is the school calling for you to come pick up your child.

*The kind where your daughters friends wont come over to play anymore because your son scared them.

*The kind where you know the diagnosis that Doctor gave you was just to get you out of their hair and NOBODY else will listen to you.

*The kind where when you are at any public place you are carefully and mindfully finding all exit signs for a quick get away if it is too much.

*The kind where you are still taking your 11 year old son to the Women's bathroom, because not everywhere has FAMILY bathrooms.

*The kind where when you find a Doctor that says " your son doesnt have PDD/NOS.... He is on the SEVERE end of the Autistic Spectrum." Gives you some sense of relief and makes you feel a little LESS crazy then you already KNOW you are.

You still feel the grief though...

For what life would have been like to not have AUTISM in you life..

But then you realize that ...

AUTISM has been there for 11 years 27 days and 17 hours..

It is always what you have known and loved! Since the day he was born!

It is crazy how many emotions I have felt over the last few days.

But I have always known!

It only took 3 years for the Doctors to figure out what I have known and tried to share with them for

11 years 27 days and 17 hours.

That is how long I have known and LOVED  my son....



              So someday I want to BE

    "SUPER-MOM"...

The one that have it all together!

The one who have all the patients in the world.

The one that husband is ALWAYS 100% involvement.

I want it all...

Patiences

The PERFECT children!

The CLEAN house!

The CRAFT corner full of FINISHED projects!

The YARD every kid wants to hangout in!

The NEWEST mini-van!

The Martha Stewart FANCY meals every night!

The BODY of a Supermodel (or at least NOT a wibble-wabble toy)!

PLEASE and THANK YOU saying good mannered children!

The house big enough to entertain!

I WANT IT ALL!!!!

And then I realize I have it all..

It is just in a package that is PERFECT for me!!

We may not have it all,

But together we are ALL we need!!

New Doctor!!!!!

So, yes we have yet again found another that is looking into Tanner's "NOVEL"... Ok, maybe it isnt really a novel, but there sure is ALOT of information there from his other Doctors and Specialist.

She was really GREAT with him. I love it when the Doctors talk to Tanner and NOT over him. She had lots of questions for Paul and I (yes people that is right, Paul went with me). I think he was a LOT overwhelmed. But we both left pleased with the visit. We go back next Wednesday for the "parents-appointment". And then the next 2 t0 3 weeks for Tanner to continue his testing. It is a Long process but I feel confident in what she has already talked to us about. Some of the "treatment" ( I guess that is what we will call it) plan for his behaviors made me feel at ease. She is recommending a "service dog" for Tanner. She says they have proven very beneficial for these kiddos. Well see!!! Of course when she said DOG Tanner was ALL EARS!!
I have read many books and articles that prove animal companions are great for Autistic Children. It helps with behaviors, sensory, commuication, etc.... We'll see. That was all I commented on that!

Dr. B also said that she was confused as to how the previous Dr came to the conclusion that Tanner had Pdd/NOS. Which is on the Autism Spectrum. But is not typically the same as AUTISTIC! They are but they arent. See if you have a child with PDD/NOS they dont always recieve the same services as a child with AUTISM diagnosis. That has proven very true for Tanner especially in school. So with this clarification and Diagnosis we may and SHOULD get more services for him. more therapies, a possible one on one aide those kind of things. Which for Tanner will be AWESOME!!

Dr. B asked what my main concern for Tanner is......
That was one that I have been thinking aabout alot lately.
But, after much thought it was..
IS THIS TANNER'S HIGHEST FUNCTIONING SKILL... Right now is this where he will stay for the rest of his life????
She agreed that was a legit answer and that is what we will be looking into, but that has me thinking. Is this where he will stay for his independece for the rest of his life?

The other day Tayson says to me " mommy when I grow up I am going to marry you."
My response was " tay when you grow up Mommy wont be so cool"
Then Tanner says.. "mommy when I grow up I am going to live with you FOREVER!'
My response was " I know Buddy"

And ever since that convrsatiion with the boys I hve laughed about Tanner and Tayson's comments. But a part of me is sad that for Tanner living at home my be what it is for him!!

Part One of my CRAZY. FUN, EXHAUSTING week!!!

What a CRAZY week!!!!

OH where to begin with this last week..

It has been BUSY BUSY BUSY!!!

It has been FUN FUN FUN!!!!

And it has been CRAZY!!!

It all started last Monday.

Tanner and I embarked on a school field trip to Provo.

The ride was LONG!!

The First museum was AWESOME!!!

But one would have been plenty for Tan and I...

But oh NO, we had 2 more and lots of WALKING!!!

so needless to say Tanner was ready to head home when we got to load the bus.

We got to ride the bus home with Flint and AJ so all was good!!!

After we got home and recovered from that ADVENTURE it was time to head to

 Laramie for SUMMER GAMES!!!

That is another 5 hour bus ride!

We had a ball and Tanner is kinda a BIG Deal now...

HE GOT GOLD!!!!

way to go Tanner..

This is a quick fast post...

Pictures and more is coming soon!

But it is 1130PM and I am going to sleep!!! 

Girls ONLY day!!!

WITH THE EXCEPTION OF GRANDPA!!

hey somebody had to drive

Today was suppose to be all about finishing up the laundry and getting packed- Ha.

Toree and I went to Utah with my parents and we had a BLAST!!

this is what we did..

we ate,

we shopped,

we shopped at another store,

we shopped at another store,

we had ice cream,

we visited Abby-Lou,

we ate AGAIN!!

we didnt get home until 11;45 PM.

and I left the house at 12 NOON.

What an amazing day!!

What a FUN girl Toree is!!

Just on a side note though..

You take her anywhere to shop,

BUT if you take her to Barnes and Noble she WANTS everything.

After all she is her GRANDPA's FAVORITE!!!

SHHHHH... dont tell the others!!

Toree and I dont get to go ALONE very often and do things.

That is what it is!

It sucks,

BUT when we do go out we have a BALL!!



The life that's chosen ME!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=zxkcUhW6Kzw
Hopefully this will open.. If not go to youtube under
Karen Taylor Good
The life that's chosen me....
Ok I couldnt get that one to work!!! SORRY
Try this linkwww.HarmonizingwithHumanity.com
This is where you can order the CD.
But it still has the song on it!
GOOD LUCK!!
(if this one doesnt work just go to my facebbok page.. Its on there too)
This song is AMAZING!!
I found it off one of my Autism Facebook Friends and had to share it.
I think it explains so much of what a parent with a child with disabilities feels and thinks at times.
To look at the Parents faces in the video,
It is like looking in the mirror for me somedays...... EVERYDAY!!

ENJOY!!!

I am so thankful to be needed!!!

As the end of April was approaching yesterday I decided to take that page of my calendar off and get ready for May!!

Then I quickly decided I wanted April back!

May is filled with..

Summer Games in Laramie.

End of School year field trips.

Doctors appointments.

Kindergarten open houses.

Pre-School.

Play School.

REAL School.

Baseball.

Tee-Ball.

New Doctor screenings.

End of School Year Concerts.

I have to be somewhere or have something scheduled

EVERYDAY.

of. this .month.

 but....

6!!!

(and today is only the 1st)

 I cant wait!!

I love this

 being at home with the kiddos!!!

And even though there are those days

I MISS grown-ups,

being home is AMAZING!!!

I think---

WAIT!

I know that out of ALL the jobs I have ever held this is the HARDEST!

Yet it is the most rewarding!!!

I LOVE that I am able to stay home.

Even though NOT everyday is butterflies and sparkles!

I know that this is where I am suppose to be.

I love hearing my kids laugh and sing with me in the car.

We even dance!!