11 years. 27 days, and 17 hours!!!

As I look back over the last 3 years I wonder at times how we all survived!!!!

I havent lost a child.

I havent lost a husband.

But the last 3 years have been filled a a type of grief and loss that I am not sure many people understand...

Well maybe!!!

1 in 88 parents will understand the loss  GRIEF I am speaking of!!

*The kind that you feel every time you leave a Dr. appointment with a child that is "COMPLEX" to use their exact medical term.

*The kind you feel when the phone ring for the 2oth time this week and it is the school calling for you to come pick up your child.

*The kind where your daughters friends wont come over to play anymore because your son scared them.

*The kind where you know the diagnosis that Doctor gave you was just to get you out of their hair and NOBODY else will listen to you.

*The kind where when you are at any public place you are carefully and mindfully finding all exit signs for a quick get away if it is too much.

*The kind where you are still taking your 11 year old son to the Women's bathroom, because not everywhere has FAMILY bathrooms.

*The kind where when you find a Doctor that says " your son doesnt have PDD/NOS.... He is on the SEVERE end of the Autistic Spectrum." Gives you some sense of relief and makes you feel a little LESS crazy then you already KNOW you are.

You still feel the grief though...

For what life would have been like to not have AUTISM in you life..

But then you realize that ...

AUTISM has been there for 11 years 27 days and 17 hours..

It is always what you have known and loved! Since the day he was born!

It is crazy how many emotions I have felt over the last few days.

But I have always known!

It only took 3 years for the Doctors to figure out what I have known and tried to share with them for

11 years 27 days and 17 hours.

That is how long I have known and LOVED  my son....