It is a new day !

On Sunday I was able to go with Paul and Tanner to Tanner's Priesthood Preview. I can not believe next year at this time he will be able to pass the sacrament at church. (where did that 12 years go). Anyways as I was watching the other boys do 12 year old things it made my heart sad. Sad for the things that Tanner just doesnt get at his age that he should. It mad me sad for the things he may never get to do or understand. It made me sad, SAD for me NOT him I think.
I almost feel guilty writing this blog. Maybe I only felt sorry for me because I saw what Tanner WAS NOT doing instead of what he was doing. I feel selfish now writing that I felt that way.
I wonder often sometimes TOO often if you ask Paul. What will happen if Im not here. Well they know that he cant tie his shoes, button his suit shirt, wipe is own ( well you know where I am going with this). So I ask myself lately do I feel sorry for ME ?? No mother is suppose to feel that way. But I wonder will he ever go to prom, get a drivers license, kiss a girl, go on a date. These kind of things NEVER crossed my mind before, but he is getting older and NOW this is the questions that I have to look forward too..

A day with AUTISM in OUR house.

PLEASE forgive the lengthy post.. I just had to get some information out there!!! I thought this was the best way to share my feelings for the day and the last few weeks.. BE prepared it a long post!

*********************************************************************************

Sometimes it is so hard to explain PDD/NOS. This is what Tanner has OFFICALLY been diagnosised with from a number of Doctors, so it MUST be true... RIGHT?????

PDD/NOS is one of the 5 main diagnosises on the AUTISM SPECTRUM!! And believe me I have fought some pretty good fights with professionals- We will call them teachers (just for fun)-

Well last night I was reading and came across this GREAT explanation of what exactly PDD/NOS is so here you go..... READY!!!!

PDD/NOS is...

just a way of SUGARCOATING a diagnosis of AUTISM.

You can call it what you want, but your son has AUTISM!!!!

There you have it.. Straight from the Doctors mouth.

Now if I could just get the rest of the world to understand.

NO Two Children are the same. Everyone with the diagnosises of AUTISM is different!

I personally know of 5 different children that are all diagnosised with PDD/NOS and everyone of them have differnet traits of the spectrum.

As hard as it was for me to come to the grasp of this with Tanner as it is with all parents I think the hardest part for me was when the Specialist told me he also had MENTAL RETARDATION!

That has not ever been an issue. But to actually have that as a diagnosis made everything so REAL. I had always wanted to be a SPECIAL ED. teacher. STILL DO!!But to have those needs in my house everyday 24/7 was really a shocker.

I watch my boys as they are getiing ready for bed. Tanner is 11 and Tayson is 4.The steps in which it takes to get tanner ready for bed TRIPLE what it takes to get Tayson ready. Everything with him is a process. A process of setting every thing out to actually physically doing it for him. The difference MANY people would never have known had I not shared it with them. Tanner functions at a 2-3 year old with his daily living skills in an 11 year old body. He reads at a beginning preschool level. Math, writing, speech are very well controlled with teachers and people watching out for him. Helping him solve the simplest of problem can cause a meltdown.

I wonder if he will ever be able to care for himself?? I wonder if when I am no longer able to help him--WHO WILL?? I wonder if when he is at school do they know he is unable to wash his face without verbal and sometimes physcial prompts... Do they know these things?? Who will tell them, he can't he doesn't understand....

Toree's first LOVE story!!

I have to be equal, and today it is Toree's turn!!!!!!!!

If you have been reading the last couple of posts or been following me on facebook, you know that Toree has her

FIRST LOVE

his name is Cody (pictured below)..

Well, my sweet little Toree has found his Mother's cell phone number and is texting her to have Cody call her... Or better yet she chats it up with her on facebook....

YES.... so now when I go to bed sooo do all electronics in the house....

AHHHHHH,

to first love and Modern day technology!!!

****************************************

I am VERY scared of what I have to look forward too when she can date.

Good Heavens she is only 13.....

YEAP Tann.... You just had a BAD day!!!

For all you I am sorry, this is another Tanner post. I guess I am going to have to start using this blog as a way to get out my frustration, worries and concern for him and his disabilities. Sometimes I look at that sweet face I know that inside his head so many mixed up thoughts and concerns are going throught there. He doesnt understand how to always voice them or act appropiately. That is part of ASD and his Mental Retardation... It is not always him seeking attention, It is Not him being a $H!t..... Tanners brain DOES NOT work like that.. Yes he is 11...Yes he does get in trouble, Yes he does get things taken away from him just like EVERY NORMAL kid.... When you get calls from the school you go in you deal with the situation at hand, YOU get in your car and BAWL your eyes out so hard and long that your ribs hurt... Then you look at that sweet little boy sitting next you that says "MOM... I think I had a bad day at School today.."
YEAP Tan you did...
"MOM... Am I a BAD boy"
NOPE Tan you just had a BAD day...

I need a nap after this post--LOL

Tanner @ Special Olympics State 2011

Cody and Toree @ the Dance/Banquet for

Special Olympics

The theme was AWESOME 80's

Cody and Tanner

The MUSIC was a little to loud for Tanner

He didn't really like the crowd either..

Me and the Boys after our

AUTISM WALK

(it was freezing)

Paul and the boys...

Toree was there too, she is TOO cool for pictures anymore!

This is our TEAM!!!!

Crystal is always there to support my Family!

Gdpa and Gdma were there too.. Walking and FREEZING with us!!

There was a huge CROWD!!!

And if you look really hard in the LEFT corner. The girl with the brown sweatshirt and sunglasses--that is TOREE!! SHhhh.. don't tell her she was in the picture!

The Salt Lake Bee and the BOYS!!!

There are alot of pictures... But the last 3 weeks have been VERY, VERY busy.

I didnt even post the pictures from Tanner's first Regional Bowling for Special Olympics. There is NO new school pictures and well LIFE has been a little CRAZIER then normal..

I now am staying home and have quit my job at the Doctor Office.. LOVED the job, but the kiddos needed me home.. I know right now this is where I need to be. I have 3 AWESOME kids and I was missing everything and was just not being a very nice mom.. So after much praying and crying myself to sleep at night I QUIT!!! So far it has been great. I help at teh school and drive everyone everywhere, do the laundry, and EVERY night we eat a HOT homecooked meal-- TOGETHER!!!

Paul will be GRADUATING from BYU-I in December.. The rest will be short lived for him though, He will start at Weber State in January to finish up with his Healthcare Administration Degree.. I know good things come to those who wait.. BUT come on!!! (LOL)

Toree is doing GREAT in school this year and she LOVE it too. Basketball is starting soon and she is excited for that.. No swiming this year.. Can't say that I am sad about that though... Swimming is BORING to watch!! But she liked it ladt year.

Tanner is still at Aspen and I love him gong there. They are GREAT with him there and He and I both need that... He just started doing the Special Olympics a few weeks ago. AND LOVES IT!! They don't have a team in Evanston so the team in Bridger Valley let us join with them and they are AWESOME!!!! The kids and parents are great.. Tanner has won 2 BRONZE medals!!!

Tayson well. In case you havent talked to him lately he is going to be 5 soon (Dec 12) ask he will tell you and has become a PERMANENT fixtuure to my HIP!!! He goes to prec=school 2 days a week and LOVES playing with Mom..

Ok so there you have it... That is what is gong on at our HOUSE!!!

Hopefully now that I am home during the day I will post more then once every 2 months

Thank YOU Angel Mom's..

Ok so I usually dont get on the blog to vent but today has been one of those I feel really sorry for myself so everyone else should fell sorry for me too, RIGHT???, Wrong I have some blogs that I have found recently (thank you Ashley Sullenger). That make me think Cherisa suck it up!!! You have no idea what these other Angel Mom's go through everyday and today you want to whine..
Their spirits and stories are AMAZING.. And everyday I faithfully read their blogs just to see what new words of wisdom they have for me.. I thank them all and Pray for them all to have continuing strength..
I always have loved my children, they make me crazy and they make me want to pull my hair out. But reading those stories make me able to be a better Mom and make me want to be a BETTER mom. So now because I know these amazing parents that have their sweet angels watching over them FOREVER!!! thank you :-)

Picture overload and LOVING my family

Toree is now 13 and every bit a Girl!!!!!

(notice the skinned up nose, that is what happens when you drive into a NO DIVING pool)

My AMAZING Grandma turned 80 !!!!

Everyone came to surprise her....

I gave her gallbladder surgery:) Seriously she went in the next week

This is Grandpa and Grandma at her Birthday Party!

We went to Lagoon!!!

We went to Casper!!!

We went to OutLaw games!!!:)

The family!!!!

OK!!!!! so there is an overload of pictures!!!! But after reading my friend Tiffany's blog. I just wanted to share with you all my Amazing family and the last 3 weeks!!!! NOW, NOW I noticed Toree wasn't in many pictures, but she was there... Except for the Casper trip-- she was at Cherry Hill with her friend Shae!!!