At work today a co-worker asked me if I felt "GUILTY" when I found out that Tanner had special needs...Without a second of thought I said NO!!! I knew from the minute I saw him that there was something very "special" about him. I told her that I was more upset with the Doctors that would never listen to my concerns about him and that so many of them told me that... he was just a boy and that I should not compare him to his sister, because boys development is noticably slower than girls". I was upset that because of the Doctors SLOWWWWW response to his needs that I lost those precious years of much needed therapies... BUT NEVER DID I FEEL GUILT.
Sure, there were those days when I cried ohhhhh how i cried.. When the specialist told me that he would never do this or he could not do that...I CRIED!!! When we have to hold him down for them to put the wires on his head for EEG's, when they have to draw blood from his little-chubby arm, when they have to move him to the front of the class so he can hear....I cry, not for me but for him because he knows there is something different about him. When he sees other kids that are his age and they are doing things he cant do yet. Like riding a bike, tying their own shoes, zipping up their own coats, or the best is doing up their own pants. (THANK heavens that elastic pants are still cool).
But, then I feel PRIDE.. It's the kinda pride that you just can't explain. It's when you see your kids go up to the child in the wheelchair or with a walker and they help them or run over to say hi to them while all the other kids run past them. That is something I always wanted to teach my kids, But with Tanner it just came natural.. His compassion for others is something MOST adults would be jealous of..
So to sum up her question.... NO,I never ever felt GUILT!!!!!!! I feel honored that Heavenly Father knew I was strong enough to have such a "SPECIAL" spirit in my home and in my life...