Happy Valentines Day!!

Seriously!!!

This post is all meant in FUN!!!!

I have never been a big fan of Valetines Day.. OK maybe secertly, but when the man in you life is TOTALLY 100% anti-lovey dovey..

You learn to ignore the holiday and all your friends getting little romantic gifts...

BUT its ok I am over it!!

(cant you tell-LOL)

But to be honest I LOVE the idea of your sweety sending you flowers. Not just on Valentines Day, but any time would be NICE...

(again I am learning to get over it)

I have tried to share my love of the holiday with Paul and well it never goes well..

 So to all of you that have a ROMANTIC sweety..

Enjoy the holiday..

Enjoy the candies...

Enjoy the nice dinner...

Enjoy the flowers...

Enjoy the cards......

And, I will be sitting here dreaming of how it would be!!

On a serious note...

Happy Valentines Day to you all!!

I seriously do know that Paul loves me... ( I hope)

and I know in his heart of hearts he really LOVES this holiday too.

He is just learning to LOVE it..

And yes I know it has been 15 years, But whoses counting!!!



Ramblings from a mother who has spent way too many days listening to Specialist this week:o)

Tonight as I sit here wondering what to post I have a thousand thoughts going through my mind.
I want to POST something... BUT lately every post has been about a NEW Doctor or a new treatment plan for Tanner,
Sometimes I wish I could just post REGULAR-NORMAL posts.
You know the kind....
Where everyone in the Family is doing NORMAL things.
But that is NOT what is in the cards for us right now.
ALTHOUGH.
Toree is doing fantastic in school and BASKETBALL..
Tanner hasnt been to school in over a WEEK..
Tayson is sicker then a DOG..

I have made 2 trips to Utah, seen 5 new Doctors and scheduled 3 new test for Tanner.
Someday I know they will find answers to my questions. But how do I know, How does anyone really know what the answers will be. And how do I know if I will like them. Right now I feel somewhat comfortable in OUR life. I know what to expect. I know there will be seizures, meltdowns, solid clothing, etc..etc... But what if what they tell me changes it all.
I said to Paul the other day.. What if all this is just me being a CRAZY INSANE mother.
He laughed and said they wouldnt test Tanner for that they WOULD test me..
We both had a good laugh out of that.
But, maybe this is  my test.
Its a test of my strength. I have been EXTEREMLY overwhelmed that last few weeks. And it is starting wear on me I can tell. But like the previous post I have been ENTRUSTED with Tanner and I can NOT fail him or my other children. I have to continue to be strong for them, for me and for Paul ( bless his heart). He went to the appointment on Monday with me. I think he was a LITTLE overwhelmed to say the least. But he was there when I needed him and I am thankful for that.
Hopefully this coming week I will have the strength and knowledge to go head on into our next adventure.. Whatever that may be.!!!! The GENETiCS test was done on Friday. Hopefully we will hear from them soon.

Entrusted with the MOST precious of CHILDREN

I am so Thankful to my Heavenly Father for giving Tanner to me and my Family. In this months Ensign there is an article that states...

"Those of us that have been entrusted with precious children have been given a sacred, noble stewardship, for we are the ones God has appointed to encircle today's children with love and the fire of faith and an understanding of who they are,"

--Elder M. Russell Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve

As I have read and read those words they have give me peice of mind knowing that Heavenly Father has ENTRUSTED Paul and I with Tanner.

ENTRUSTED....

WOW!!!! Heavenly Father knows our thought and our prayers that we share with him. Our dreams for all of our kids. He knows the hardships we will go through and he still has

ENTRUSTED

Us with one of his MOST precious of Children..

That is the MOST rewarding yet scarey feelings..

I continue each day to pray that where I take Tanner and who we see will be the one that will help us and help Tanner to be as independent as possible. SO we are seeing 3(yes more Doctors)!

We are in the mist of yet another group of Doctors trying to find out what is really going on with Tanner.
They want him to see a Genetics Specialist, Urologist, Psych Doctor, and the list goes on..
OHH... how grateful am I to the PCMC team. They have not skipped a beat with him. Now that I have someone that is FINALLY listening we may someday get answers.
BUT, there is HUGE part of me that feels I am starting this entire process over again. I wish I didnt already know what I do know, I wish it was like a clean slate. Because I find myself saying well why didnt this Doctor do this?? Why didnt this Doctor do that?? How much time Have I lots that we could of had for therapies to help Tanner be more "socially" appropiate?? And that is what makes me so angry.
ANGRY that the 15 Doctors I talked to when he was younger told me NOTHING was wrong with him. That I needed to stop comparing him to other children. We lost so many YEARS fighting those Doctors. How thankful I am for the ONE Doctor that listened that got me set in the right direction. We are always pressing forward to find out more about his "condition". They all have agreed on one thing though... TANNER IS A DIFFICULT CASE!!!!.. At least we are going somewhere. RIGHT??

99th post-- Thank you BLOGSPOT, for being there!

Boy, we have been together for along time..

I Love this blog and the things I share on here are NOT always pleasant.

My Husband calls this my "homework".

I call it my OUTLET.

Not always do I put about things that anyone really wants to read,

or even care about.

But, at that moment I just need to get  it off my chest and that thought out of my head.

So really this blog is more like my BFF (if you will).

Ya, know that AMAZING friend that just listens as you go on and on and on...

And she NEVER interrupts you,

NEVER tells you that you shouldnt feel that way.

NEVER makes you second guess what you said.

NEVER gives you the "WELL,I WOULD HAVE".

You just let my share my thoughts, my dreams, my wishes.

Then I hit publish and wait to see how it turns out.

OH, how I wish that is how LIFE really was.

You could just publish what you wanted everyon to know and see.

You could edit the things you were not sure about.

And those times you are SO mad you dont even know what you are saying you could just save in the arcives to read to yourself some other day.

This blog has been with me through the thick and the thin.

Through LIFE changing moments,

Through hospital stays,

Braces,

EEG's,

Epilepsy,

Autism,

The pre-teen (GIRL) year (OH MY!)

New Diagnosises that have ROCKED my world.

Sporting Events,

Family Crisis,

New houses,

3 Moves,

School changes,

The list could go on and on

I have BAWLED and BAWLED while reading others stories.

I have laughed at their stories,

I have prayed for other "blogger-mama's" in their time of need.

Some of those ladies are the strongest PEOPLE I have ever known,

Yet, Some of them I only know through there BLOG.

I thank you BLOGSPOT for all 99 posts and for all the stories we have shared..

Here is to MANY more!!!



Another NEW Doctor....

YES!!!!

I know how many Doctors does one family  boy REALLY need??

That is the question I find myself asking.

But, yet it is TRUE!

Tanner now hows ANOTHER Doctor.

And of course she is in Utah..

(GO UTES)

We do LOVE Primarys and the Uof U is right there too

Don't tell Paul, He is still a BYU-I student (wink wink)

Anyways back to my story..

Autism, Developmental Delays, Mental Retardation

SUCK!!!!

I mean honestly truthfully SUCKS!!!

So many people have such opions of the DIAGNOSIS.

Especially little wennie guys that work at Barnes & Noble, that wont help you find the book you have looked the whole Valley for and still cant find. Not to mention you are sporting you AUTISM AWARENESS sweatshirt and your son with the diagnosis is standing next to you

Oh, SORRY!!

 I am loosing my point of this post again.

So we found this new Doctor that Specialist in Develpmental Delays and Autism.

LOVED her!!!

Although she is wanting to send Tanner to other Specialist..

A Urologist,

A Genetics Specialist,

A Psychologist,

A Neurologist ( we have one already),

Which is fine with ME!!!

The more I can figure out that is going on with him,

The more I can help him

and

Educate others to help him!!!

Win, Win

RIGHT???

 Sometimes I feel like what I see in Tanner is NOT what the Doctors or Teachers see.

Like I am making it out for worse than it REALLY is.

Well this Doctor listened and she saw first hand what happens in a MELTDOWN!!

He was biting, kicking, pulling hair, saying he wanted to die, kicking the walls, ETC..

Ya, know your normal run of the mill

MELTDOWN!!!

She said I was NOT crazy and that all these things REALLY needed to be addressed!

Which made me very Happy and more comfortable with her following Tanner.

So, I wasnt seeing more then was really there or making up things,

She agreed there is MUCH more going on then what we see.

REALLY, more for him??

She wants me to join a group that they have for Parents in Salt Lake that help with those kinda of things.

Which is a GOOD thing since he is getting BIGGER and OLDER!!

I am scared though,

Who will take over when I cant any more??

Will I need to find someone now for him to stay with when he is older??

If tommorow I was GONE where would he go??

These are things I think about.

I think about them ALOT more now that he is getting older.

I think alot of things about Tanner.

Some that I will maybe some day share with you all.

Some I just keep in the back of my mind, hoping to NEVER have to share.



Family Ties..

So today I was helping Paul with a class assignment.

I thought to myself this is a SIMPLE assignment.

What the Professor wants is 3 generations starting with you Grandparents, their children, their spouses,

and then their children.

SIMPLE enough, heck I remember doing that in Sacrament meeting to pass the time away.

Heck I coould do my ENTIRE family and even some of my friends.

POOR Paul...

I asked is Grandparents first names... I Dont know was his answer..

His Aunts and Uncles.. NOT sure!!

Cousins.??? (deer in the headlight look)

HONESTLY....

I said to him, do you want to use my family??

He said NO..

And that isnt the worse part now he has to write a paper on it:O)

I was SHOCKED!!

I could NOT believe he didnt know everyone in his FAMILY!!!

His reply... "NOT everyone gets together to celebrate a childs first tooth".

Ha to him we only did that once--LOL

Loving thy Neighbor... How do some people make it look SO easy??

Today at Chuch our lesson was on "LOVING thy Neighbor".
This is NOT one of my stronger suits.
I find it hard most of the time.
Now don't get me wrong, I do enjoy people.
I do enjoy doing service towards others,
But, Loving my Neighbor,
that has never been an easy thing for me.
I try..
Not always successfully.
But, I try.
This is one of those lessons that I may need to work on harder.
Something I can do with my FAMILY??

Hmmm, Love thy neighbor....
Something to think about..