Well the BYE Bye Facebook didnt last as long as I hoped

Apparently the only way MANY people find me or share important information is through Facebook.

And since Tanner participates in Special Olympics and they are Fundraising right now.

Facebook had to be reopened:(

I am happy because I network with SO many very amazing Moms, Dads and parents of Special Needs kids I LOVE it.

But all the other stuff I Call my daily Soap Opera.

And there are MANY people I leave on my page for that reason only.

SHHHH, but some are relatives, LOL.

 

So much is happening with Tanner,

PUBERTY

MED CHANGES

NEW SCHOOL

NEW TEACHERS

 

How is he doing he is hanging. We are both HANGING by a thread.

And the last few days it has been a very THIN THREAD!!

 

Toree..

 

She is blossoming into an amazing young lady.

I am so proud of her.

I probually don't tell her enough how much I love her and appreciate her.

 

Tayson:

He is continue to have struggles and I fear it is going to get worse better it gets better.

Thank goodness for such an amazing team at his school.

Wish I would have had Tanner there all through Elementary,,

 

 

Paul:

 HE IS MOVING BACK T IDAHO IN 5 weeks

to finish SCHOOL.

YES after 6 LOOOOONNNGG years

he graduates on July 22. 2014

Bye Bye facebook

I cant believe I did it,

I just deactivated my facebook page.

I needed to find a place to share my thoughts and feelings.

That was more private and more personal.

So here I am BLOGGERLAND.

 

I am trying to decide how much Tanner really loves Special Olympics,

I think it is more of an outlet for myself.

We are such a tight nit group.

 

But in the last little bit I feel that it is unraveling and falling apart.

Which is sad,

because I have just gotten a few new members that are closer to home.

I am sure they will survive without us though.

 

Tanner is getting to be too much for me to take him on my own.

SO ......

I need to decide,

I don't think he will care other then missing his friends,

But we will still see them:)

My new outlet! 2014

I know we are a month into the new year. And I haven't posted in such along tome I though. Well why not start February off with a bang!

So here we go.
THe face of this blog has always been about my family.
And even though I LOVE them all with every ounce of my being I have decided to let this be my outlet.
So some days it will be ok, somedays it can be ugly but on this unlike y facebook page this is much more private and can act as a kind of journal for me.
Will it work??
Oh I hope so.
I have tried to outreach in different ways and I miss the blogworld.
SO heres hoping.
 

HELP?

I an NOT believe it has been so long..

I don't even know if anyone  will even know I am still here.

 

Although it has been a year full of new changes and NOT so new changes,

This post is a PLEA to all my Autism Parents out there.

I need help.

Tanner is now 13,

And the power of puberty is TAKEN over his little body.

What are some things that you as parents or caregiver done.??

 

His behaviors are INCREASING.

They are very off the charts lately.

Especially this week.

His combativeness is OUTRAGED!

 

I am EXHAUSTATED!

Not only physically

BUT

Mentally and Emotionally also.

 

Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated!

A quick note!

I am not really suure if I like this new blogger program I have.
Not that it is that new, but I cant not get it to share photos.
So Its not that I have NO pictures of my kiddos to share.
I just dont know how-LOL..

So much has been going on..
And I feel like I havent stopped running since the kids all started school.
But it has been nice.
And everyone continues to do well.
I started a "little" part-time job that well lets just say has me running like a chicken with my head cut off some days,
But I love it and it makes me feel NOT so "Useless".
I guess that isnt really the word to use.
But with all the kiddos in school all say, I needed something to do.
I still have them work around the kids schedules and that is AWESOME!
Im home when they are home and gone when they are gome.
So it works.

So that is all I have to share tonight,
Have a GREAT rest of the week...

DISTRACTIONS???

So the other day I went to church with some friends. Their services are on both Sundays and Wednesdays. This service was on clearing your life of distractions and living for "God". What a moving and exciting service. It was different then anything I have EVER seen, heard at church.
They group is small, but oh so powerful. And the sermon was amazing.

But, back to the topic on hand....DISTRACTIONS!!
Everones life is full of them.
Some are big..
Some are small.
But whatever they are..... How are they affecting your life.
Are they all consuming?
Are they left on the backburner. There but not really a huge issue.

My question is how are you able or willing to turn those distractions over to Heavenly Father? Can you let them go and give them to him to deal with, or are you like me and feel that oh I got this, I can handle it.
Where quiet frankly I am at my breaking point. Why do I find it so hard to turn over these distractions to him???

I know yesterday for some reason you got 2 new post and NOW another one today.....

WHAT

 is this world coming to???

I just have had the kind of day that I guess is one I want to share with all for the BLOGGERS

out there. It wasn't like anything to miraculous happened. But it was a GOOD day.

Tayson didnt wet his pants at school!!

Tanner didnt have any meltdowns!!

Toree only made her brother cry twice!!

******************************************

Toree had an assignment this last weekend to bring home a COMPUTER doll !

This doll cries,

ALL NIGHT!

This doll is an example of what its like to have a baby!

BOY was it an eyeopener for her.

She told me more then once 

I WILL NEVER HAVE KIDS!!!

what a great assignment foe a 14 yr old girl!

When I was in school we had to take a 5 pound bag of flour to school.

THEY DONT CRY ALL NIGHT!!

:)

Paul started school!!

See, nothing out of the NORMAL.

Except that is that is out of the NORM!!

I have had so many balls in the air for so long that today just had me wondering...

WHEN!!!

when are all the balls going to fall????

When am I going to have to make another trip to PCMC for more testing?

When will the next BALL fall!!!

AND then it happend!

The phone rings and one of Tanners new Doctors want him to have a few more test done.

No not for the Autism!

This is for sleep/breathing issues!

Then he wants labs.

Thats NO big deal untill they call and say the test they were looking at was normal...

BUT!!!

They find some other abnormalities,

And then we have to get more labs done!

The Doctor calls personally and says to call him back!

FREAK OUT is an understatement!

Somehow his Red blood cell is low!

So he wants to test again in 4 months.

Cant this kid get a break!

Nope! 

And he needs glasses too.

SEE just a typical NORMAL day!

How did I ever work 40+ hours and still raise these kids???

Have a great TUESDAY!

   

 

Well I have  completed my 2 first full days as a STAY AT HOME MOM with all her children in school.

Ok so Monday wasnt too bad, and by 1130 I was calling my Mom to see what she was doing..

Honestly!

I couldnt believe it either.

Even worse I called Paul to see if I could come have lunch with him at work!

Thank goodness today was back to norm..

HA HA 

NORM???

Anyways back to the story.

I had to pick up Tanner for a hearing aid appt.

Then pick up Tayson at 1230.

Tanner was "birthday" shopping with Grma,

then off to the middle school for Toree.

And we were off to Ogden for Tanner and Nikko's party!

HUGE, 

shout out to Breann for planning it!

And a SPECIAL thanks to 

Kim's coldblooded friends.

Tanner fell in LOVE with the 40 pound SNAKE!!!

He was cute carried it EVERYWHERE!

Good-Bye Summer

How time flies when you are having fun!!!

What a silly catch fraze.

But how true it is.

I cant believe we are into the 3rd week of school already.

And guess what the kids are LOVING it!!!

All 3 of them have been to school on time and stayed the full day!

This is a GREAT thing especially for Tanner.

Tayson is cruising right along with Kindergarten.

Toree is LOVING being the top dog at Middle School.

Paul starts classes back up tomorrow.

And I am at home,

trying to find my niche in the routine of home life.

It has been a little strange and well even overwhelming at times.

It was easier being home with the kids here.

I now find myself leaving in their cartoon from morning throughout the day.

Just so I have noise.

I am learning I can make the drive to Salt Lake and back before the bus get home.

I am learning that when the phone rings and the school number shows up it IS NOT always to have me come pick up Tanner.

I am learning that it is ok to go have lunch with my friends and NOT feel guilty about not taking the kids.

So se everyone at the Spatig House is learning!

Closure.... Now what next?

Now I have the diagnosis
 and over the last few days I have been VERY emotionally.
I think now everything that I have been trying to put blinders over because I was told it was this or that for the last few years from Doctors and Specialist has finally hit home.
 It was so hard that  I started doubting myself.
Thinking I was making things out to be worse then what it really was.
That I was self diagnosising my son.
That I was making him a "special-needs" kid when really he wasnt.
All of these stresses and worries were answered and confirmed last Friday.
And to be honest with you all I dont really think I am handling it well.
I would never say that outloud and that is why the world of BLOG is so amazing.
I have had to be strong for so long.
I have fought so many battles.
I have finally gotten the answers to my BIGGEST fears.

*My son is AUTISTIC,

*My son is DEPRESSED,

*My son is over-STIMULATED,

*My son has ANXIETY Issues,

*My son has Sensory Issues ( i dont even know what that means),

*My son has Seizure Disorder,

*My son has Mental Retardation,.....................

*My son is COMPLICATED!

MY son is the LOVE of my life!

My son is a brother.

My son is FIGHTER!

My son is CARING, LOVING, and POLITE...

My son IS a child with AUTISM.

I knew for 12 years since the day he was born..

And that is ok.

There is NOTHING

I would EVER change.

But I still want to be sad and try to fix everything and make it easier for him.

Now I hope that the label of "AUTISM" is not placed on his every move.

I want him to be happy

I want him to be independent.

I want him to understand things that we all take for granted.

I want him to be able to have a WONDERFUL-

loved filled life.

It like knowing "offically" now what I have known in my heart forever.

But it still hurts.

Not knowing as his mother what to do.

How to explain it to him and his Sister and Brother,

AWESOME day!! Lots of answers!!

Dr. B will NEVER fully comphrend how much I LOVE her.

Finally today after 4 LOOOONNNNGGGG years of tests, specialist, screenings and errors.

We have a Full Diagnosis.

AUTISM!!!

I know a real SHOCKER.

Why the happy-relieved tone in my typing.

Because NOW it is OFFICAL.

that means the schools HAVE to get him the services he needs.

And get this Dr. B wants to come in on an IEP and eval Tanner at school.

Awesome Day........

I think YES.

More to come later,

Just wanted to update. 

The BIG day is finally here!!!!

And as excited as I am there is a HUGE part of me that does NOT want tomorrow to come.

We have been WAITING for so long it seems to actually get a Diagnosis for Tanner that I am SCARED!!

He has gone to so many different Doctors and Specialist that all come to ONE conclusion that is he is a COMPLICATED CASE!

Like  I was NOT fully aware of the fact he is COMPLICATED!!!

But I do have a feeling that THIS appointment will answer questions that both Paul and I have had.

HOPEFULLY!

Hopefully there will be NO more testing for a while.

And we will be able to NOW find out who can help him

and what other services will work BEST for him.:)

I have always known from the MINUTE I saw his cute little face there was something about him that would ROCK my world.

And now I have found someone that I hope will be able to help us and give us answers!!!

SO, if tomorrow there is a  post of

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

You will all know that she said he was COMPLICATED and changed NOTHING!!

So here is too a Diagnosis that will make sense.

GOOD NIGHT!



Genetic Evaluation=GREAT confusion ans NOT many answers

As some of you may know in Feb. Tanner finally had a Genetic Panel Test done at PCMC.

Well on Wednesday of last week we were finally able to get into the Specialist to have them tell us what they found.

DRUM-ROLL.....

Apparently even his Genetic results show he continues with the

 "He is COMPLICATED!!!"

 shocking I know!

His 12th chromosome on the LONG P arm is missing a piece.

What exactly does that mean???

I have no clue!!!!!

They want us to do some more testing with Paul and I.

And that test only cost $5,000.00 for each of us.

CRAZY, I know.

They say that with this chromosome abnormality his diagnoises dont really make sense.

That with this 12th chromosome breakage BEHAVIORS that they see in Tanner is NOT common.

So, to sum it up I am still as confused about GENETICS as I was when they first called.

Hopefully when they send the report I will be able to read it an research it more...

HELLO GOOGLE!!-lol.

On a side note the house is coming along GREAT!

All the painting is done.

So we wait for it to dry so we can get pictures hung!

And vinyl on the walls.

I CAN'T WAIT!



We are moving!! AGAIN!!!

I know AGAIN!!!!!

For those of you that know me well you know how often we move!
And yes it has been 2 years.
So, it is time....AGAIN!!
This time though is a BIG move.
We are actually BUYING!
It is a small 3 bedroom house.
With a HUGE yard.
I NEVER moved as a child.
Where as my husband moved alot.
So, I use his moving us around as a time to DE-CLUTTER!!
And oh boy have I with this move.
We have LOTS of work ahead of us.
Painting, Yardwork, Decorating.
If I would have been thinking I would have posted BEFORE pictures.
Maybe I will get some tomorrow.
Now that we have the biggest part of the pick up done.
Now the fun begins.
Toree wants a HOT PINK room.
Tanner and Tayson are having a RED DEVIL/ Cars room.
I get to paint my kitchen ANY color I want and to tell you the truth I CAN'T WAIT!!!

Here's to our next final move!!!!

Helicopter Mom-- yeap thats me.

This is always the HARDEST part of the year with Tanner.

This will be his 5th school in 6 years.

Mostly because they have decided it wasnt the right school for Tanner...

His behaviors are increasing, and he is getting bigger

SO

I will be the Mom.

The Mom of a child with AUTISM.

That most people try to understand,

but when they see it happen they dont know what to do.

************************************************

Over the last little while I have come to realize that I am a.........

Helicopter Mom!!

I am sure this is coming to you all as a HUGE SHOCK--LOL

But yes I have decided I need to lay low for awhile.

Let Tanner do his thing.

Let the meltdowns come.

Let the phone calls begin.

Let the sleepless nights come to an end.

Let the teachers take care of business.

Let everyone see his "true" colors.

I have been taking the boys to Summer School for the last 3 weeks...

Tanner is suppose tostart his day at 8 am (LOL).

Well that didnt workout so well,

He goes to school at 11 with Tayson.

And I am suppose to pick them up at 1:30.

Well I usually get tanner out of the car and to class by 1145.

Tayson is already to go and practically JUMPS out of the car when we get there.

Then I get to classroom and he runs out the door.

I try to leave with him in the good hands of his teacher,

And he runs.

We take him to recess and he runs.

Tanner has RAN away from school before and I am scared he will again.

So I hauver.

I make sure he is safe.

I make sure his classmates are Safe.

And then I go home for 45 minutes before I have to go get him and Tayson.

Its a crazy life being a HELICOPTER MOM!!

but at least I am letting him SOAR!!!



2 years...Since Tanner said good-bye to his BEST FRIEND.

I woke this morning and was getting the boys ready for Summer School.

Tanner was fighting it as per-normal.

Tayson was ready to go.

Tanner didnt sleep at all last night also per-normal lately.

When he finally did wake up all he did was cry...

He cried at school.

He cried when I picked him up.

He cried on the way to grandma's house.

He cried just sitting on the couch.

When I aksed him why he was so sad today he looked at me,

 smiled,

 and said you woke me up.!!!

I apologized and said well Bud you had to get up.

He said he was dreaming of riding horses with Grandma Ila and Preslee.

I cried with him.

Preslee was his "girlfriend"

He loved his Preslee.

He has talked about her often over the last 2 years since her accident.

He prays for her EVERY day.

He asked about her all the time.

Her Parents Pat and Ashley were always so wonderful with Tanner,

I miss them!

He misses them..

They are AMAZING people.

Go to their blog page at

http://patrickandashley.blogspot.com

and read their AMAZING story

 you will see WHY

Tanner LOVES them so much.

That is when it hit me!

Poor Tanner's little heart is breaking all over again for his Pres.

I cant ev en imagine what it is like for Ashley and Pat.

But I can tell you.

Preslee, Grandma Ila and Tanner have

been riding horse together in his dreams.

They went for a walk in the park.

They had sno-cones with the JUICE!

Sorry Ashley, Tanner let her have Juice.

And well it just goes to prove have thin that veil is between Tanner and Heaven,...



Its ok to cry!!!

It is funny how when you are feeling a certain way and then all of the sudden you turn to your trustly Blog-Land friends and they are all feeling or experiencing the same thing..

You know those days when you cry because the sun is out!

You cry because its cloudy!

You cry because your kids wont help... WITH ANYTHING!

You cry because your house is a MESS!

I cry because it is all just to much!

I cry not knowing what the future holds for Tanner!

I cry because I have 14 yr old daughter that has way too much to handle for a 14yr old girl!

I cry because I am SAD!!

I cry because I dont sleep worrying if Tayson will seize again.

OK, apparently I am a BOOB!!

I have those times when I cry I cry so hard it hurts the next day kinda cry!

Those from the tips of your toes all the way through you body kinda cries!

They dont happen often and it takes alot for me to admit I cry,

BUT,

Its nice to see I am not  the only one that has those kinda days!!

Thank you to all of you in BLOG-LAND for sharing your stories.

For letting me realize it is OK to cry,

It is ok to breakdown some days and just let those tears fall!!

Well I am one proud Mama!!!

Tanner returned home from camp yesterday and at Camp they always give out some kind of award.

Well this year Tanner won for..............

"Most Polite Camper"

Thats right out of all 50 campers

He was the most POLITE!!!

Kinda made my day.

After picking him up it was off to Bear Lake for some FUN in the sun.

Boy, it was a BEAUTIFUL day there.

NO SUNBURN!

Which with Tayson in tow that is always an accomplishment!!

Thank you to Marci for "smoothering" him in block before we got there.

Pictures will follow!

But we sure had a GREAT time

And Paul even got to go with us!



This will be short, sweet and to the point!

EVERYTHING around our state is on fire!

Tanner is heading to camp today!

Tayson LOVES summer school- Tanner doesnt

Toree is 14 and well she is JUST 14~~



Wednesdays at my HOUSE!!!

So today I am sitting at the computer the kids are running a muck and the house is in desperate need of cleaning.

Yet, here I sit at the Computer.

Waiting to figure out what all I want to post today!!

The last few weeks  ok MONTHS have been really hard ones.

I am FRUSTRATED...

I am TIRED.

I want what is BEST for all of my children!!

I do it the BEST I can.

I am only ONE person!!!

I am LONELY!

I am MAD...

I need someone that HAS my back.

I need someone that GETS it.

I need more support, other than that of ...

YOU NEED PARENTING CLASSES.

or

IF YOU DONT LET HIM ACT LIKE THAT HE WILL STOP!!!

I have had to take Tanner down to 3 new different Doctors all of which said he was out of the scope. They told me he was a DIFFICULT case (really?? DUH). 

 I was not even aware that he was difficult, that was such a shocker--LOL.

And then I found one..

I found a Doctor that IS amazing with him!

She has done testing and seen behaviors, she talks to us and NOT above us.

****************************************

I have noticed Tanner  regressing and I wonder if we are at his FULL potential??

Is this where his full functioning will stay.

Will he read at a Pre-school level forever??

Will he have the math skills of a 1st grader??

Will he have the social skills of a toddler???

A GREAT friend of mine told me the other day when I geet him in this NEW school I will see such progress that they have done amazing things for "behavioral" kids at this school.

But seriously, Tanner should be going into the 7th grade. (And he will be starting the 5th grade this year). He will be 12 in August and I think my Tayson who is starting Kindergarden will by pass him shortly.

The school here has been better then our previous ones.

But I think they give him the  BARE essentials to get him "BY".

I think that their hearts are in the right places.

BUT, Tanner is HARD.

( he takes alot more then HEART most days)

And when he has had too much I think that is where they leave him.

I wonder how often he is left alone when he is suppose to have an aide that helps him.

******************************************************

With Toree I have noticed that she is NOT a little girl anymore.

She is growing into a BEAUTIFUL young lady.

She should not have to be my "SUPPORT"

She should get to be a teenage girl that has her friends over to hang out.

But she doesnt,

She is afraid that Tanner will have a meltdown,

She I think is scared..

Scared of what they might think when they find out she has a brother that is AUTISTIC.

She is doing GREAT in school,

She is SO shy though.

I wish she would go and be 14.

I know in a few years I regret that one-LOL.

**********************************************************************

Tayson oh my sweet Buddy!

How I have LOVED being home with you!

But oh how I would LOVE to go to any room in the house without you freaking out!!LOL

Soon you will be in school and I will miss you terribly I am sure.

You are sassy

You are set in your own little 5yr old way..

You have a temper that would make a grown man CRY!

Heaven help us!

*****************************

So there you have it.

The reason the house needs cleaned

and WHY my children are

RUNNING a muck!!

Have a great Wednesday!!!